No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
