So drunk, too bad you don't want this
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
