I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
