and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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