i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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