I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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