Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
