he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
