It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
