I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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