she was so not down for the gang bang
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
