it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
