is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't trust your balls anymore.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
as a side note pls kill me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
