Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
