omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
