I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
