Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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