Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
