sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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