I want to stick my p in your. b.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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