The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
