i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
