TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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