my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
