i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
