I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
