I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
