life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
