i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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