You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
