His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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