he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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