Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
