I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
