Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
