You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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