Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
