shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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