I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
