so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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