So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
