Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
