I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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