went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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