how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
