My sheets look like a crime scene.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
