Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
