hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
