You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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