He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
